Peace in the Midst of the Storm

Some question God’s existence.  Some believe he’s real, but don’t know Him.  Some know Him as Father and know he’s real because they have felt Him.  Some know he’s real because He has demonstrated His vigilance over them.  I KNOW He’s real because I’ve felt Him pull at my heart to draw closer to Him.  I’ve heard Him speak to me.  I’ve fell into His presence and wept at His feet.  I’ve felt His love warm my heart and His hands hold me close.  His arms have carried me and lifted me up when I couldn’t stand on my own.  In the last few weeks, He has once again fulfilled His promise to me in Hebrews 13:5 where he said He would never leave me nor forsake me.

On July 19, 2011 I went to a weight loss center to see a doctor who could help me lose weight by prescribing me a drug called Adipex.  As the doctor was talking to me and doing the usual exam, she felt around my neck and asked me to swallow a few times.  She discovered a knot in my neck and told me I should go to my family doctor to have it checked out.  My family doctor ordered some tests and the results came back that I had a large cold nodule on the left side of my thyroid that needed to be biopsied and sent me to a surgeon.  I was nervous about the biopsy, but God blessed me with a wonderful doctor and nurses who made the experience much less frightening.  When I went to the doctor for the biopsy results, I received news I wasn’t prepared for.  The nodule had a-typical cells inside of it, but they couldn’t tell if there was cancer present or not.  They said I would need to have the entire thyroid removed then they would send the nodule off to be examined to see if there was cancer in it.

I have never been more scared in my life as I was when the news settled in that I HAD to have this surgery.  Although the surgery wasn’t considered a major surgery, I was still extremely nervous.  All the “what ifs”, confusion and restlessness were creeping up on me.   I was beginning to panic all while trying to hide these feelings from the people around me.  I researched the surgery and know some people who have had been through the surgery and their voice was affected by it.  The Spirit of Fear began to try and take over me.  “You’ll never be able to sing again! The scar you will see every day in the mirror will remind you of the gift you ONCE had.  YOU ARE DONE!”  Knowing that this was an attack from the Devil, I began to fill my Spirit with Scriptures of God’s unfailing love and his promises to me.  I cried to Him for reassurance and to let me be at peace with the decisions I was going to make.  I went to bed crying one night just asking God for guidance and peace.  The next morning when I got to work, I logged onto my computer to find this scripture as my daily bible verse.  “And David said to his son Solomon, ‘Be Strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God - my God - will be with you.  He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord.” (1 Chronicles 28:30)  Suddenly I felt at peace.  God had spoken to me in a way I would’ve never thought he would.  That showed me that He loves me, He knows my every need, He hears me when I call on Him, and He cares enough for me to come to where I am.

On August 25, 2011 I went to the hospital and had my surgery.  God was with me.  I didn’t fear.  I was a little nervous, but I knew God had me in his hands.  I was covered by His blood.  He bore the stripes for my healing over 2,000 years ago.  I was on his mind when he went through all that pain and suffering.  He did it for ME!  He hadn’t brought me that far to leave me yet.  God guided the surgeon’s hands watched over me.  I left recovery and started to heal much faster than they had anticipated.

On August 29, 2011 I received the results from doctor about the nodule he removed during surgery.  It contained cancer that was about a ½” in diameter.  The news was a little nerve-racking, but I know God had, and still has, it all under control. 

The surgery has taken a toll on my voice, but has not damaged it.  I wondered after my surgery if I would be able to sing as high as I could before?  Will it be as clear?  As strong?  I didn’t really worry about it, but the Devil still tried to plant the thoughts in my head.  Fear once again was trying to creep in.  Then…..God spoke to me again.  Last Wednesday night I attended a practice/meeting at my church for our Praise Team which I am a part of.  We all began talking about unity and how important it is to focus on God and not be up there just to hold a microphone.  I started thinking again on how much I really wanted to sing for the glory of God, to pour my love on Him by using that gift that he’s given me, to minister to others by using this gift.  Then I felt God speak to my Spirit, “This Gift I’ve given you is not for you.  You will be restored.”  That was His way of telling me that He’s not finished with me yet.  I remembered the verse in 1 Chronicles that reads, “….until you have finished ALL the work for the service of the house of the Lord.”  He’s not done with me yet.  There are still souls out there that He will use my “gift” of singing to minister.  My prayer today and going forward is for God to show me open doors and opportunities to bless His name and minister to his people and those who are hurting.  He has allowed me to go through this for a reason that hasn’t been revealed to me yet, but I know it will.  He’s allowed me to go through this to help someone else.

I am glad to say today that I am CANCER FREE, and now I’m healing and resting on His promises! 

I go to the thyroid specialist on the September 20 to discuss the radioactive iodine pill I will have to take in mid October.  After this one treatment, I will be done with everything and be able to move on with the rest of my life.

I thank God for the people his has placed in my life, for the healing he is doing in my body and for the gifts he has blessed me with.

Thank you all who have prayed and continue to pray for me.  Be blessed!

The picture below is something I created to remember this part of my life by.

• The 39 red stripes represent the 39 stripes Jesus suffered for our healing over 2,000. (Isaiah 53:5) 
• The butterfly represents my thyroid and life.
• The cross in the butterfly is over the area where the cancer was present.  Because he died for me, I know he loves me and I believe his promise that he’ll never leave me nor forsake me.
• The tree-like symbols along the edge of the red represent family.  There are 4 to represent my husband, my daughter, my son and myself.
• The verse is what I call my “confirmation” verse.  The day after I was confused and apprehensive of the surgery I was about to undergo, God spoke to me through this verse. 
• It was on my computer as my daily scripture that day when I arrived at work. 
• The flower is the Yarrow flower.  It means healing.  Its colors (pink, teal and purple) are the colors that represent thyroid cancer.